6/25/11

Dateline June 26, France

Its been a week since I posted anything, I guess I realized I just don't have that much to talk about. Here is an update. Today Jessica goes into the hospital to get her gall bladder removed. Its been misbehaving, and its time they ended their relationship. I'm sure they will miss each other, there will be the late night call-and-hang-ups, unanswered emails, and crying to friends/ loved ones about "just how lame he/ she is".


Daniel is out of school as of this last Thursday, and has kinda chilled with the whole " I'm 13 so I know everything, please stop strangling me" attitude, so we are pretty happy with that. He has, in his own way, been begging to be killed for months now. The fact that he is alive and well, and in his own bed, not tied up or anything, is an uplifting testament to the human beings capacity for love and self control.

New Caledonia. I saw the ad on the govt employment website, and sent along my resume, right? I got an email from the website saying that I fit the criteria and had sent my resume ( from now on, this will be referred to as the C.V, its just 2 letters, and the word resume is a whole word, and the letters are scattered all over the keyboard, and I'm like uber  lazy, so ok?
Me.
ANYhoo, My C.V. got sent off to N.C, the place is called Easyriders, and then, lo and behold, I get an email from someone who works there. They want to know when a good time to call for a phone interview. I am pretty excited.
Also me.
Later, kids.

6/19/11

Feliz Dia de los Padres, mon amis!


Today, Sunday the 19th, is flea market day. Daniel and Dylan are in a sleepy village a few kilometers down the road from the house. Everyone knows everyone else, everyone says good morning. Really a great place to be. The market is on the main road through town, and we got here early, so we get to see the few shops open up, there's a herd of cows on a hill half a kilometer away. I am overdosing on quaintness, and I think I'm gonna go slam my head in the car door. BRB.


Look at this shit



That was yesterday. All day, hanging out with the kids, meeting people, man, it was a pretty good daddies day. Daniel and Dylan both made some cash,  and we all came home happy. And tired.


 And sunburned. In one soulless gingers case, real goddamn sunburned.
This




plus this







equals this








Bummer, dude. We all had a good time anyway.


6/18/11

Rotate the tires, hon, we're movin!

This morning in one of the papers I read, a story from Austin, Texas, about a Senator involved in a committee hearing, called a Spanish speaking mans testimony ' insulting', and told him to speak English.

I get that the immigration thing is a sore spot for a lot of people right now. This particular guy has been in the states since 88, and probably is more comfortable speaking Spanish. Those of you who speak a second language understand that, I'm sure. I know people who speak English, but won't, because they are embarrased. When I catch myself speaking French, I stop, because I am embarrased. No one wants to sound like a fool. Read on if you want to see it in written form, in English.

To call the guys testimony insulting, though. You know, the Texas border crossed them, in a lot of cases, they didn't cross it. Also, have any of you reading this looked into what hoops you have to jump through to emigrate to the States? The U.S is one of the most difficult countries to get into. Believe me, if you were in Mexico and for whatever reason, needed to get to the States, you would check it out, see what a giant pain in the ass it is, look into your wallet, realize you don't have the thousands and thousands of dollars it takes, and swim across the Rio Grande.
WHEEEEEE!


Next time you are in a conversation with one of the ' Them damn Mexicans keep swimmin cross the border and takin our jobs and bangin our wimmin, why cain't they just come here the right way, lets go to Taco Bell' types, ask them if they have any idea how to emigrate to the U.S. from somewhere else.
This fucking guy


I will break it down for you.

#1 Your application, 3-6 months, $1000 shiny American dollars.
#2 Your medical check, 2-3 weeks, $1000 dollars
#3 Interviews at your American consulate, 4-6 weeks,up to $1000 dollars
#4 Green card ????? $1000 dollars
CHA-CHING!


Then, get a job and become a productive and happy member of American society. Need a bank account? Get a Social Security card, because you can't get one without the other. ( Thanks, Patriot act!)Thus, you enter another form of hell, your SS card process.

It was a whole lot easier for me to come to France than that. Yeah, it took some time, and cost some money, but it wasn't worth coming here illegally. But it was nothing like coming to America. Today!


We all have our opinions on the subject, and the people. I say welcome. Legal or not, I don't really care. Maybe the government that represents me could make coming legally easier, and less expensive, but I doubt it.  And don't forget, you are not that much different from your neighbor.

Oh, and Senator Chris Harris, Republican, Texas? You're a dick.

6/14/11

Yeah. And also, sure.

Two things caught my eye this morning in the news. First, a man was kicked off a flight for saying the word 'fuck'. In the context of ' my fucking long ass layover sucked,' not in the context of ' fuck the pilot' or 'I have a fucking bomb'. He was bitching about his layover. Its a word that we are all familiar with, its a word that most of us use to drive a point home, give it a stronger meaning. I have no problems with this word, and neither do most of the people in my life.

My problem is with the airlines. That whole industry. Well, thats not true. I have no issue with travel agents, or the guys that work a Boeing, but I hate the whole flight experience. The TSA, for starters. These thugs paw through your luggage, grope you, are rude to you, and molest your children in the name of national security. All while not being qualified to man a fryer at a fast food restaurant. And we, as Americans, sit back and take it. Not because it makes us feel more secure, but because we don't want to miss our flight. Says something about us, as much as them.

The flight attendants. These people have almost as much power as the cops do, you know that? They are essentially waiters and waitresses, and yet they have the right to decide whether or not you are gonna make it to Boise, or spend a few nights in the pokey.
Why do they call it they pokey? Oh, ewww



 And you, as a paying customer, had god damn well better treat them with the respect they demand. Cause if you don't, you are gonna have a few cops waiting to tune you up at the gate when you land. Again, in the name of national security.

enjoy your flight


The other thing is that Denver's new mayor is being investigated for being linked, somehow, to a prostitution ring? Like, as a client? Why do we care what goes on in his pants? Lying is one thing.  Do what you want, act human, but don't lie to me. I don't care what goes on between 2 adults. None of my business. Just answer my questions honestly, and I won't ask about your private life.

Ah well. Things will be a bit different when I'm overlord.

You are gonna vote for me so hard

Peace, peeps.

6/13/11

Got a couple pictures

Good luck.

I am sending my resume manana.

Really. I have decided. I wanna go. Nouvelle Caledonia. I am sending my resume to the dude tomorrow. Wish me luck.




Skidmark made a skidmark

This is a picture of my kids leg.  Today, we were riding our widdle bicycles around our mountain hideout, making sure everything is still shipshape and zombie proof, when Daniel fell off his bike. I don't know if he saw a dime on the ground, or has a higher gravitational pull than the rest of us, or what, but the ass of Daniel met the road, and hard. He took it like a man, though. Rubbed some dirt on it, walked it off, but he looks like a round mound of ground round. Seriously, I am glad it wasn't worse. Bad injuries here mean a long ass car ride to the nearest hospital, or an even longer wait for the Wham!bulance to come get your broken ass.


ouch

6/12/11

le uber marche

Today there was a big flea type market in Grenoble, along one of the rivers. It was cool, we had a good time, took the neighbor kid with us for comedy relief. Here are some pictures.
People bath

What the hell is this?

Tons of awesomeness

Aaahhh my baby

Seriously, what is this thing?
This is a piece of a wall built around the city by the Romans in the 3rd century. 



Finally, ladies and gentlemen, I give you..... Track pants. Enjoy.







6/11/11

I am sick of trying to think up titles

Europe's highest court ( whatever that means), has given France a piece of its mind for not doing enough to protect our wild hamsters. You cannot read that sentence without laughing. Go ahead. Try. I'll wait.
Bwahahahaha



Done? Good. Apparently, these hamsters eat grass and alfalfa, and French farmers are growing corn instead, so every spring we have vast herds of migratory hamsters, thundering across the plains, crushing everything in their path, relatively speaking. As cities expand outward, and the French realize the wisdom of suburbs, the Great Hamster of Alsace ( seriously) is having to wake up from hibernation and travel far and wide to find food.

Here is a youtube video of the Great Hamster of Alsace in its natural habitat. There is sound, so crank up your speakers, and enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3Dk1g7YlnrU

Pichers

I was hanging out here a bit ago, with Taco on my lap, one of the few times he wasn't trying to murder me and everything else around him, and I thought of you, the huddled masses. I was thinking how you must be pining for a picture of lil old me. Oh, the heartbreak! Lo, how you must pine!

Those of you who know me, may be aware that I have given up haircuts for two reasons. First of all, I do, like all fancy people, have a personal stylist. Her name is Shawna, and she is lovely. But, when I left the states, I could not get her to get into the suitcase, and I know that hamster water bottle looked damn refreshing. So she had to stay behind. And her not cutting my hair and making me beautiful is just so... wrong. The second reason is my religious beliefs. You know those religions that say stuff like ' You gotta wear blue underwear' and ' no bathing'? I belong to the no haircut one. Its bitchen!

Anyhoo, I turned on the camera and gazed upon myself.  Really took it all in. Apparently, I style my hair either with a car bomb, or an industrial fan. Long story short, the cat looked disinterested, and I look like a demented Beethoven. In a shirt that has more holes than a necrophiliacs victim in a Japanese movie. So, you may thank me, for sparing you all that. Here is a picture of a puppy instead.




Awww

6/10/11

Thinking about it

So theres this government job agency here called pole emploi, and I was checking it out the other day, and lookee there! Some dude wants a harley mechanic! Say! I'm a harley mechanic. It pays a bit more, a few more hours. And its somewhere warm. New Caledonia, to be exact. For those of you not familiar, its sort of behind Australia. Just gotta talk the familia into it. I think it could be cool. Could also really suck. I mean, it is really far away from everything.
http://www.newcaledonia.com.au/

Check it out. Its a French territory, so the social programs should be in place, its got a good economy, palm trees, sand. But, as I said, its a little isolated.

6/9/11

6 am my place


09/06/2011

So this is a blog so that everyone who wants to can come here and see pictures, and see what life is like here in France. It will probably be poorly written, the pictures will suck, but hopefully, it will be  entertaining. It will also contain my rambling, disjointed thoughts on the news, and shit I find on the internets. Hope you all enjoy.

Life here is pretty much ok. There was, and still is a lot of adjustment to living here. I have experienced bigotry toward Americans, the French think we are all just like George Bush. Or Yosemite Sam. They think we are all a bunch of gun totin, shoot em up types who don't have a single thought about the rest of the world, except that the rest of the world should just be more American. There actually might be some truth to that.
Don't get me wrong, most people here are just the same as at home. We all want the same thing, basically, enough money to take a trip every now and then, buy a house, feed the family, all that. And, not all, or even most people here think like that. Almost everyone here are kind, giving, open people. Real salt of the earth. But there are a signifigant number who seem to confuse American and stupid. Like a lot of Americans confuse Mexican and stupid. Its not a hell of a lot of fun to be on the recieving end of.

Track suits. Big here, especially with the younger men. I don't get track suits. Saw a guy yesterday, maybe 5'9, 250 lbs, obviously couldn't outrun a piano, but he was dressed for a triathalon. My question is this. How do you get laid wearing a track suit? Don't you know you look ridiculous? You are trying to talk to this hot chick, and you are dressed like a clown. Are the women here blind? Man purses, too. What. The. Fuck. You got something  in there that won't fit in the pockets of your track pants, Sport?


Ok. I'll add pictures and what-not as I feel like it. Peace, peeps.