It's for me, not you

 112.8.

That's what I weighed in at a month ago. 112.8 goddamn kilos. 

So. Diet. Serious diet time. Since then, and I don't know the exact date it was, i have have lost 7.5 kilos. That's 2 average newborns, or a nice sized Thanksgiving turkey. Off my stomach.

I am eating 1 healthy meal a day, and all the fruit and vegetables I want. It sucks, but I am actually finding a bit of discipline. It's weird. I've never had discipline before. 

I am going to tell you something, that as a man, is kinda taboo. This just isn't what men talk about, culturally. Don't know why, just is what it is.

I think I have an eating disorder. I think the one I have is called "binging". I cannot not eat a whole bag of chips, or box of cookies. It's impossible. A whole pizza. I am completely addicted to food.

I think it started when my parents got divorced. My mom was keeping us all afloat, 2 teenage boys and a house, and she was killing it, but looking back, she must've been depressed, and I know she was overworked. She would send my brother and I to the grocery store for one of those bricks of ice cream, and we would split it into 3, and eat it all right then and there. I think that behavior formed my relationship with food. I think it may have helped form my brothers relationship with booze, which eventually killed him.

But. Last weekend I weighed in at 105.3. 112.8 to 105.3 in a little over a month. 

So, while I don't want to get complacent, I desperately want to remain vigilant, it feels good, man. I feel better all over, heartburns gone, no dad noises when I get up from a sitting position. I'm still a fat piece of shit, but a less fat piece of shit. If I keep it up, I might become a kind of attractive piece of shit. The possibilities are endless!