Dear Safeway.

Dear Safeway. Last week a couple from California was shopping in one of your Honolulu stores with their 2 year old, after just having moved to Hawaii. They were hungry, tired and lost, having, as I said, just moved there a couple of weeks previously.

Anyhoozle, they were perusing your well stocked aisles, in search of sustenance, and opened a couple sandwiches to tide them over, until they could get their purchases home, and feed the little one. Unfortunately, they forgot to pay for the sandwiches.

We have all done this, it's no biggie, a simple misunderstanding between adults. It happens.

Nope! You refused their offer to pay for the sandwiches, and called the cops, who arrested them, charged them with shoplifting, and GAVE THE KID TO CHILD PROTECTIVE SERVICES.

You fuckin assholes are so above it all, that in the middle of a stressful situation, you cocksuckers have never made a goddamn mistake?? What the FUCK is wrong with you? 5 bucks in fucking SANDWICHES??

Fuck you, Safeway.

Unfortunately, the couple DID, technically, shoplift, so I doubt they have any legal recourse ( sue you into the stone age), and they did get their kid back, (18 hours later), but shit. How fucking traumatizing. Imagine its you. Little mistake, bye bye Jr. Little, nothing mistake. I hope they sue the shit out of you, Safeway. I hope they find a lawyer who LOVES the taste of corporate blood, and they sue your collective asses off. I hope they ruin you. Because the real problem isn't the dummies you hired to run your shitty Honolulu store. The real problem is you. Shit rolls downhill, but its gotta start from somewhere. The only reason that your employees did this to this couple is because somewhere, somehow, at some time, you told them to. I hope a jury realizes that. I hope, I hope, I hope.

I do know this. This is the Worlds Greatest Blog, and you people reading this are smart, funny, insightful, and INCREDIBLY attractive. And I somehow doubt that they will want their fine asses in your shitty stores any more. I personally, when the opportunity arises, will, from this moment forward, ALWAYS shop elsewhere. I will never darken the doorway of a Safeway ever again. Fuck you.


Peace, to all reading this. But not for Safeway. Dicks.